The article was exploring the possibility of binge eating being a psychiatric disorder. Now if you are a fat person, you know that eating, whether you’re binging or not, is a mental thing. What morbidly obese person eats only when they are hungry?  What really upset me about the article is that in all the quotes from the medical professionals or the bold statements from the author, no one said anything about addiction. There was no reference to food being an addictive disorder.

Now there are a lot of obese people who do not binge eat. In fact when you hear about binge eating it is usually associated with Bulimia. Both Bulimia and overeating are addictions to food and the effect food has on your body. I won’t go into all the in and outs of food addition but I think it’s a shame that binge eaters, and overweight people who read the article will come away with the fact they not only are overweight, now they are psychotic.

http://www.latimes.com/features/health/la-he-binge23-2009nov23,0,2869829.story?page=1

                              “Women with obesity have almost four times the risk of osteoarthritis”

                                                                                “Mid-Life Obesity Predicts Women’s Later Health Woes”

“Obesity, alcohol, depression interlinked for women”

“The World Cancer Research Fund found a link to obesity in six types of cancers”

“Heart disease, diabetes, risk factor for overweight women”

We are bombarded with these messages from the media everyday. The “hurry up and get skinny before you die,” messages. This is coupled with the fact every time I visit the doctor he acts like I am a dead woman walking and can’t figure out how I am alive AND overweight at the same time. No matter what I see the doctor for the prescription is always one thing, “LOSE WEIGHT!”

Frankly, I’m tired of it.

While I know a lot of overweight women who are not in good health, I know a lot of skinny women who aren’t either. As much as we need to take care of ourselves, we don’t need the friggin’ stress of media doctors harping on us constantly.

I don’t know about you but I wasn’t brought up to love myself and my body. As a fat kid I was always being told what I was eating was wrong, how I looked wasn’t normal and carrying the weight was unhealthy. Not that my family was to blame, they just wanted me to be healthy and happy. However, I didn’t learn to take care of myself. For some reason the shame of weight and eating blocked all the messages about how to love my body and take care of it.

In my opinion, not loving our bodies and taking care of ourselves, is the real problem over 60% of women face in society, not obesity.

I wish I could post the answer to this epidemic. Give every overweight woman in America the prescription “love yourself’ and have you go to the store to pick it up. But I can’t. I am still on the journey myself. Here are a few things I try to remember along the way…

Patience with yourself – Not in the way “it took you so many years to get this way…” but have patience with you and not be so critical of every little thing you do and don’t do.  

One day at a time – No matter how long your “To do” lists are (yes I said lists as in plural), you can only plan today, sometimes you can only plan the next few moments. It helps to break it down and breathe.

Life happens – Things don’t go your way most of the time. Get used to it and learn to accept life on life’s terms not yours.

Love – All of this boils down to loving you. Be kind to yourself, take it one day at a time, accept don’t expect and love yourself each step of the way.

Most of the diva’s were plus-sized! I was lovin it!

History of the show has yielded some great performances from trendy pop stars mixed with ageless veterans. All the while branding the theme of what it means to be a diva. To me achieving diva status means you own it. Whatever you want to fill in replace of “it,” go ahead, but divas own whatever they do. Owning it means you walk confidently with yourself and you bust your ass to stay confident, weather that takes going to the gym everyday or staying up working on a project every night. You own it and it’s yours, body, mind, career, car… whatever.

I am in love with anything the media puts out that gives young women a positive image  to look up to and this show did just that. These were not stick figure models that needed to look perfect, sing perfect and be perfect to be called a diva. They weren’t perfect but they still owned it. Some of their solo songs hit some bad notes, but it was ok, they still rocked it. 

I love the fact that Jennifer Hudson isn’t a size 2 and when she opened her mouth to sing, no one else cared either. It was so cute how Adele kept fidgeting with the front of her dress during her duet with the talented India Irie. Kelly Clarkson was awesome (I was in awe) when she came out with Melissa Etheridge, she didn’t care if her stomach showed when she was jumping up and down, she was rockin out! And I loved the fact she didn’t have on shoes, it just shows how comfortable she is with herself and with people when she is on that stage. Keri Hilson, looked great in her tight ass pants and thick ass legs. Hell, Jordin Sparks would have fit in more if she hadn’t lost weight.

My favorite part was the young woman talking about what an inspiration Jennifer Hudson was. This just goes to show you that kids are affected by these stars and seeing them in this light, where they are not perfect, just young women achieving success by hard work, is a wonderful thing.  

That is my review and if you haven’t seen it… see it!

http://www.vh1.com/shows/events/divas/_2009/

I think the best part about the show is the main actress Brooke Elliot who plays Jane Bingum. You can tell she comes from the stage but quite honestly, you fall in love with her easily. She is bright and smiley and has great facial expression. Her character will have some pro’s and con’s but it’s nice to see a strong female lawyer who is intelligent without being a bitch and still maintains femininity. She comes off airy and light but not airheaded and stupid.

There are also other great roles and guest stars that fill the Plus-Size Power genre. Episode one had Rebecca Field who some of you may remember from the now sadly cancelled, October Road. I just love her! Even Rosie O’Donnell guest starred and then there is Margret Cho who may have lost weight but will always be on the side of fat girls for her attempts at redefining beauty and acceptance.

The concept of the show is a little confusing I’ll admit. I mean she was once a skinny model, had some accident and now is a fat girl, with an angel guide. The thing I like about the concept is even though she is frustrated with this new person she’s become, there really isn’t an issue of “oh I used to be skinny and now I’m fat boo hoo.” One of the first episodes dealt with losing weight but it wasn’t done in a disrespectful way nor was it done with Jane being viewed as a victim. She deals with it.

One thing that is somewhat annoying is they have her eating a lot in the show, like she snacks and has meals a lot. Probably just something only a fat girl would notice. There was one episode where Grayson walked up to her and she had popcorn in her hair that she quickly popped in her mouth, which I thought was a bit distasteful but… you take the good with some bad.  

Although I have some problems with its portrayal it, I like the love interest between Jane and Grayson. It’s the sweet part of the show. I hate it when the fat girl is wallowing in existence for a main man to look at her but Jane really isn’t. Maybe because technically in the story line she used to be with him before the accident but when she looks at him you see the adoration but not desperation and I like that.

Lastly, I would like to give a shout out to Lifetime for putting effort into shows for plus sized women. This show followed How to Look Good Naked and the movie Queen Sized, which were also geared at exposing issues of body image and society views. I commend them for their efforts.  

All in all this is a great light and fun show to watch on Sunday evening. I am looking forward to an expanding story where she hopefully gets the man, or finds a sexy hot replacement.

http://www.mylifetime.com/on-tv/shows/drop-dead-diva/cast

I know this is kind of late in posting but I had it in me to write and thought I would get it out anyway. There has been quite the stir on the dating show, “More to Love” featuring a larger male seeking a BBW female. Although it seemed to be a great victory for plus-sized women everywhere, after seeing the show my excitement dwindled within the first five minutes.

Where did they find these girls? In no self-esteem land? Now I know its hard being a big girl trying to find love but every time they panned to one of the women, all she talked about was how no one ever looked at her or she that she never felt pretty. It was hard to watch! All these girls pinning after Luke, a big guy who looked like he genuinely liked bigger women but got stuck with a bunch of insecure girls. I actually felt a little sorry for him.

All in all this is NOT the impression I would have liked a big girl dating show to give, especially to young women watching that already feel akward and depressed about their bodies. This sent the wrong message and I think Fox may have tried to a good thing but they failed.

If they wanted to do a big girl dating show, they need to exploit women in the same way the normal shows do.

Just my opinion.

I watched the beginning where it looked like pimps had videotaped conversations with young women they were trying to recruit. My stomach started to feel sick but I kept watching. Then, the introductions of the girls started. Each one of their stories played out over a two hour period. All of them different with the same struggle, they were prostitutes. They all told their story, how they got “in the life,” what happened to them while they were there and how hard it was to leave.

The story was centered around a NY based organization called GEMS, Girls Education and Mentoring Services, and its founder Rachel Lloyd. Now I am not going to go into the information about the organization because you can see it all on the website. Just know that Rachel and her crew play an amazing part in helping these young girls. Having first-hand experience, Rachel knows what the girls are going through and she is relentless at making sure she does everything to help them. It really makes me wonder how some people can devout their life to helping young women and others rely on self-will alone to live.

The movie had an immediate profound effect on me. I wanted to stop watching because I felt the emotion start to stir, but I couldn’t. I watched as these young beautiful faces told the camera how much in love they were with their pimps. How these men provided for them and took care of them. How they wanted to be with them. At 14, 15, 16, 17, this was the only kind of love they knew. Their love was real and it ran deep. One girl spoke how her pimp was a father figure and treated her like a daughter. Almost all the girls called their man Daddy though. I was amazed at how honest and candid they were. Even though they knew what they did was wrong, to them it was normal.

My emotion ran over when a young girl was speaking about her pimp and saying how it was like he owned her body, what went into it, what she did with it, when she ate. I lost it. All I could think was who told these girls they were pieces of shit? Who told them they weren’t worth anything? Who told them they had no say in what happened to their own body? Because THAT person, needs to be pimped. I wanted to run to NY and put my arms around each of them and say how beautiful they were, how courageous and how powerful. At 3 am I started to cry out my emotion to give myself some relief.

My niece turned 16 and later that day we were having a party for her. These girls whose stories I had spent the night with weren’t being trafficked in Singapore, they were on streets 10 blocks from where my precious niece lays her head. I made plans in my head to tell my niece that she is loved and she is a young woman that has choices about what she does with her body and if anyone tries to violate that, she has a right to speak out. I also wanted her to know that the love of a man doesn’t define you, nor do you need it to be happy. You don’t need a man to take care of you to be complete. But when I went to her party and told her about my night she said, “Auntie don’t worry, I know.”

This movie made we want to start a movement. It made me want to convince the wealthy to give all their money to this cause. But I am taking a breath, doing what I can and writing this in hopes someone else’s soul will be stirred.

Check out the site, watch the movie and take action.

http://www.gems-girls.org/index.html

It’s hard to stay in the present. First of all, its not as fun as dreaming. The problem is sometimes you spend so much time in dreamland thinking of all the things you want to do and visions of what you want to happen, that you forget to plan how to get there or you create expectations of people and situations. Then inevitably, disappointment sets in when you snap back into reality.

Staying in the moment brings joy into your life, NOW. It helps you to appreciate people and situations without having attachment to the outcome. You don’t have to worry if you will ever get your dream job, because you are enjoying working your way up the ranks. The guy you met may or may not be “the one,” it doesn’t matter because fun of the moment is getting to know him and spending time.

Take a moment today to sit with being yourself. Be grateful for all of your experiences. Think of any action you can take in the now, to bring yourself some joy. Whether its a step towards a goal or reading a good trashy novel. Relish in the moment and be happy.

This was supposed to be a BBW blog about all things for BBW’s, but once again I am bitten by the writer’s haunt of having something on my mind that just needs to get out. Thus, this seems to be more of a dating and love blog for all women. Ah who cares as long as people relate right?

Who doesn’t long for someone to hold? Who knows how to love you without being told. Somebody tell me why I’m on my own, if there’s a soulmate for everyone.

 
~ “Soulmate” sung by Natasha Bedingfield

The issue of relationships has been heavy on my mind lately. There are so many factors which surround this issue I thought it might be helpful to put a couple out there and see what makes sense.

Keep in mind, there is a lot of questions here and not a lot of answers. Any insight is appreciated.

Looking for love?

As a single woman approaching my mid-thirties I have heard every cliché about love and relationships:

“Love will find you when you aren’t looking”

“As soon as I stopped looking, there he was”

“If you seek it, you won’t find it”

But are they really true? For as many times as I heard these cliché’s I have seen those stupid commercials for Match.com or eHarmony with the caption at the bottom of when they got married. It begs the question of should a single person seek a relationship?

Now I will admit I go back and forth with this everyday (sometimes more). I have a very fulfilled life with career, family and friends and they take up a lot of my time. But at the end of the day, it would be nice to have someone to cook me dinner, wrap their arms around me and ask how my day went. Sorry was having a Cinderella flashback. I mean it would be nice to have someone to share my life’s ups and downs with. However sometimes seeking doesn’t work mainly because you can never be sure the person you find is looking for the same thing you are, no matter what they have on their “profile.”

There are situations when you seek that may have a better outcome. If you are just trying to meet people as friends and have a good time getting to know someone, than seeking can work. Meeting someone as friends is usually best. This means TRULY meeting as friends. Not meeting with the expectation that there may be more, because that can get confusing when one likes the other more. I guess the old cliché of “friends first,” is a good one. FYI, this is not one I have mastered so you may not want to take my word on it.

FWB or NSA

Or any other acronym that means “let’s fuck.” Hey a girl has needs.

Yeh Right! While most sex with stranger or man you barely know rarely turns into a satisfying experience, there are times when having someone to rub out the “lonelies” would be nice. When it comes to meeting someone for them to fill this slot in my life, my head gets carried away and I think too much about the situation. What if I like him as more? What if he likes me as more? What if I look like a ho? What if he thinks I’m a ho? I am so not a ho.

The thinking only adds to my natural curiosity of people. I like to know about peoples lives so I ask a lot of questions. This makes the “friends” side of the FWB situation beef up more and then feelings start to seep in. I guess I shouldn’t care if a guy is close to his family, has a lot of friends, is dating someone, or what his views on relationships, love, music, art and politics are. Especially if we are just going to jump in the sack right? But somehow I always conversate too much at first and questions always come up. Then I have these great conversations and jump into bad sexual situations. I need to learn to shut up if I am ever going to have casual sex.

Summin it Up

I am not sure if there is a formula for any of this, although I wish there was. I used to believe I was single because I was damaged goods and that I wasn’t good at relationships. Recently my views have changed and I have healed things to rid my mind of those thoughts. To sum up my thoughts on seeking love, I believe if you want someone in your life you need to make sure you love yourself first because whatever you project out, you get in. If you’re not deep enough to grasp this go to a mirror look yourself in the face and say, “I love you” five times. If you can’t get through it without looking away or believing yourself, you need to fix that first.

And if seeking casualness of any kind is in order, just remember to keep it real. Don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s something it isn’t. If you have questions about what it is, ask because contrary to popular belief most people tell the truth when asked. It’s the silent agreements you make that get you messed up. The reality of the situation is you have no control. Whether your on every dating site or none, having no strings attached sex every day or not at all, you can’t control when love will come into your life.

For me, I try to seek joy in others ways and pray it fills me up.

 

- John Keats

Online dating is out of control at this point. Everyday you see the Match.com commercials where people have met and fell in love and the little tag on the bottom right corner of the screen with the “Married Since” date. Nowadays you hear more couples saying they “met online” because they don’t have to feel ashamed anymore. The negative stigma once attached to online dating is gone.

Due to social networking sites, the amount of people meeting others online is steadily increasing but with that brings new cautions and things to look at about these connections.

Here are some things to remember about making online connections:

Keep the Connection in Reality

If you are just looking for companionship and some good conversation then this post is not for you. This is directed at the women who want more from the connection, the ones who are searching for love. When talking to someone online it is really easy to get caught up in the “romance” of it all. You are able to spend hours a day talking about your hopes, dreams, passions and loves without the pressure of having to talk about daily struggles. This person never has to deal with being a part of your daily world, no matter how many hours a day you spend talking. It’s fun and deep and you feel a true connection, but a lot of people can seem perfect if they never have to be accountable for who they are and what they are telling you. This is especially true for people you talk to out of state. Though you may make plans to meet at some point, until then it all comes up roses.

20 Questions

Which brings me to point two. Like I said before, its nice to escape your daily life with people that seem totally connected to you, but when you are making a relationship with someone it is not just about chemistry, its also about lifestyle. How much do you know about they way they live their life? Are they a clean person or do they hoard piles of garbage in their home? Do they smell good and dress nice or do they pick up their daily clothes from the dirty laundry? Who are their friends? Do they have a lot of female friends or mostly male? Are they talking to a thousand other people online while you are at work or are you the only one? Do they watch porn constantly and have and large sexual fetish list or are they conservative and like to move slow? How do they kiss? What is their relationship like with their family? How do they treat the waitress when they go out to eat? Do they have a good work ethic? How do they treat their boss? And the most important question is how do they communicate when you are in front of their face? How do they communicate in a relationship? You can’t deny, these things matter!

People’s Perception

The last thing to keep in mind when talking to people online is someone’s perception of themselves is often much different from who they really are. Everyone would like to think they are who they say they are but the truth is a lot of things depend on who we are dealing with and what things we compromise on and what traits we fight to keep. You might be shy with one person and bold with another or affectionate with one and prude with another. Don’t assume this person is going to come in the picture they painted for you. If you decide to take it further and meet, be open-minded to accept the person you meet, not the one you talked to.

Rejection

I wanted to put one bit in here on rejection. People meet people online, have a great conversation and wonder why they never hear from the person again. It’s easier to reject people online but the effects can still hurt. In the online world things move faster, questions get asked and answered quicker, you find out more about a person in five minutes than you knew about people you have known for 10 years. Rejection also comes quicker and moves out faster. If you are just starting your search, don’t take it personal that people will take the set of questions they threw at you and form an opinion. You will eventually do it too.

Let me know your thoughts! Good Luck.

• Stimulating more than one sense
  Now I know everyone brings either music or a magazine when they are on the treadmill and usually you are partial to one or the other. Try both simultaneously! You may think you won’t be able to concentrate or it will be annoying to try and read while music is blasting in your ear but if you read something light, like if Jen and John are together or not and what latest sex tape has hit the airway, then it’s easy to follow. Over-stimulating your brain makes you forget to look at the ultra slow time clock (especially since the magazine covers you seeing it!).
• Power songs
  If music and reading is too much for you, just concentrate on good music. Instead of downloading music you would normally listen to, try something with a different beat like songs that make your chest throb when you hear them. You don’t need to do this through the entire workout just the beginning. Save the last ten minutes of your workout for your “power songs.” These are a few songs you can hear over and over again and love every. You know all the words and fight to contain yourself from pulling out a dance move on the treadmill. If you have an ipod, put these few songs in a different playlist so you know where they are and at the end of your workout, power them out!
• Positive Affirmations
  I get bored with music easily and find myself listening to about 30 seconds to a minute of each song and then hitting fast forward. So I decided to try a new form of listening. Positive affirmations. There are several authors who have positive affirmation cd’s. My favorite is Louise Hay (link below). She has a speaker series with several different types of affirmations about healing, body image and just feeling good. Obviously these affirmations are best used when said out loud but most authors suggest you look into a mirror when you say them and a gym usually is surrounded by mirrors. Having to look at yourself for 30 to 45 minutes is a great time for positive reinforcement. Even if there is not a mirror directly in front of you, saying the affirmations to yourself puts you in a positive zone and helps you focus on yourself. I just mouth the words to myself and it looks as if I am singing a song in my head. http://www.louisehay.com/

• Visualization
  I love to dance, sometimes with others and sometimes in my head. When I am on the treadmill I noticed one of the easiest ways to keep feeling good is to visualize maybe (and maybe a hot partner) dancing to the song playing on my ipod. When you get caught up it’s hard not to try and emulate the moves as you are walking (fyi, this can be dangerous). I truly believe dancing makes you feel sexy and good about yourself, no matter what size you are or how well you move. Dance visualization can be a great motivator when you are feeling your energy dip.
• Boy watch
  This is by far is my most favorite thing to do while I am on the treadmill (favorite thing in general actually). Its one of the only times you get a free pass to get up in everyone’s business, what guy looks cute, who is he flirting with and who did he flirt with yesterday, which hot trainer are you going to pick for your next session. The list goes on and on! Have fun with it, see if you can figure people out. Just to note, regardless of your marital status (or lack thereof) it is nice to be around attractive people, especially when you are doing something healthy for yourself, like working out. Healthy attracts healthy and let me tell you, healthy is sexy baby! I don’t care if you are a size 2 or 32, doing something for yourself makes you feel good and people respond to that making you feel even better. So go ahead, take a look!

Let’s face it, staying on the treadmill can be a bitch. However, the results of being there far outweigh the battle. So use of these tips and have fun. Please let me know any tips you may have, I can always use them!